Poems

"WHITE ROOM"

"I sat in the white room,
I let it consume me.
I pierced my skin and wrapped myself in my own intestines.

Dark red drips to the floor,
there's nothing for us.
You're so beautiful,
I stepped away in fear of taking you with me.

My dreams turned into nightmares, and I see things that haunt me in the waking hours. I'll go down these dark tunnels by myself, the night is when I become whole."

- I

 

“IFEELLIKEGOD’STALKINGTOME!”

“I lost my mind yesterday.
I showed up to your house covered in blood.
I thought you liked crazy girls -
Maybe not ones that set your house on fire.

That’s my bad -
What else was I supposed to do?
You wouldn’t return my calls,
Sometimes I see things I’m not supposed to.

I hear voices when it’s silent -
I dance with the shadows.
I see people in my house when I’m alone.
Maybe it’s supposed to be this way.

Chaos fills the void within,
I let it consume me.
I like it that way,
I’ll live and breathe it until I die.”

- I

 

"BE QUIET"

"Be quiet and drive
Plays on my speakers
I let Chino's voice make me spiral
My hands crawling on the wood underneath -

I feel the bass in my bones
I let every scream melt my brain
My skull on the floor,
My guts sink into the carpet.

Blood everywhere,
I'm happy I died to my favorite song.
Alone in my apartment,
The hallways have hands reaching out to me -

My intestines creep out the doorway onto the elevator. They needed a cigarette break. The doorman screams - memories of us flash. Distant voices and ambulance sirens. I cough up blood and my vision goes blank...

"It feels good to know you're mine. Now drive me far..."

- I

 

"ESCAPE II"

“I left myself in the rain
I left my umbrella
On purpose
I wanted to see

What it was like being you
I enjoyed the storm
After a while, it got cold
I should have worn the
Jacket you gave me.

I spend my nights looking out
The window
Hoping you’ll drive by
The storm never ceases.

I left my umbrella the last few times,
I don’t need your jacket anymore,
The cold is comforting these days.”

- I

 

"MAGIC GIRL"

"I sit in the white room

Nothing awaits me

Every day gets blurrier

 

How did I get here?

Window panes barred

Iron bound, scars on my

Hands trying to bend them apart.

 

The prison I’ve found

Myself in, I become

Someone I don’t know -

 

Solitude consumes,

It’s quiet in my mind

for once."

 

-I

 

"MONSTERS IN MY ROOM"

 

"I healed from you once before
I reopened the wounds
I let you drip as much blood as you wanted
I let you grind my bones to dust
I let you mold me into the perfect girl

Just for you, I’ll be perfect.
Just for you.
It’s always for you.
I left nothing for myself.

I walk towards the open mouth of a cave
And let you swallow me whole. The person I once was is lost and I can’t find her anymore. You spit out the carcass and I find her again. She was so full of love, and you still ate her alive."

- I

 

"MONSTERS IN MY MIND"

 

I love myself when

I put lipstick on in the mirror

Hyperpop plays until

I can’t feel my heart beat anymore

 

I let the music consume me

I have no thoughts anymore

Where did I come from?

I stare in the mirror

 

I don’t know the girl staring back

Maybe she broke in

I’ll let her stay

She copies everything I do

 

It’s strange

But she’s beautiful, I like her anyways

I’ll take her to the alleys with me

Maybe I’ll eat her core

 

She seems pretty delicious.

 

- I

 

"RED DRIPS"

She asks me why I don’t

Write about myself and I think

The girl that lives in my brain

May be a little rotten.

 

I think she shouldn’t be given the time of day.

The rotten girl is covered in tar and can barely move.

If she dies I’d have nothing but love left.

 

I’ll spin around in my room

Until I get dizzy

The blood on the floor

Should always tell me to stay away

From you.

 

Red drips one last time and I paint flowers in the white room.

I promise I’ll get better for you because

I have nothing left for myself.

 

- I

"DOLLHOUSE"

"Is there something

I can do for you?

Is there something

I can give to you?

I’ll pull my intestines out

I’ll wrap my neck in veins

I’ll make a little dress for you

I made us necklaces

With my arteries.

We’ll live in our dollhouse

I’ll cook you dinner

My heart on a silver platter

Cut my throat clean -

The little demon girl

She comes out to play

She says let’s go out to the lake

You said “Babe, it’s getting late.”

But I just want to swim,

With her.

You should go inside,

It’s getting cold.

I don’t think you want to be by

The waves tonight, it’s high tide.

And I’m lost in my mind.

Maybe I won’t come back this time.

Would you still love me if I died?"

- I


"BLACK WATERS"

'Beware of the waters
She might suck you in...

You should go inside 

And make dinner 

I want to look at the waves 

And I’m not even hungry 

 

The black waters are so tempting, 

I let the waves hit my ankles

I’m sure I’ll come back 

The waves hit my knees

I sink in so easily 

 

I could swim forever

I hear someone calling my name 

Sounds familiar, maybe it’s the voices 

I could swim until my bones freeze 

 

I think it’s been days. 

 

“Hey!”

 

Who’s calling for me?

It’s so late…

Let me swim, I’ll come back

I promise. 

 

I won’t leave this way. 

- I


"SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND"

The demon that comes out is

Truly insidious 

I’m scared of her 

Sometimes I let her do what she wants

 

The blood on the floor wasn’t me it 

Was her 

I’m sorry I let it 

Consume me again 

But she wants me dead 

I kind of want to…

 

Maybe I’ll let her eat me tomorrow night.

She made reservations in the alley for midnight 

She said to wear my rose perfume and eat cigarettes for dinner 

She likes her meals from the diet menu 

 

I thought about you before I left 

I wondered why you haven’t called 

You’re so busy being a genius

I’m so busy being fucked up 

 

I’m sorry I’m not the perfect girl,

I see shadows in the hallway 

The days blend together 

I still send you my wishes at 11:11

 

I wish for us to be together

Once my mind is better

I can do this for myself 

Perhaps.

- I

"MOTHER"

On my mothers birthday 

I blasted my speakers until 

I smelt blood 

In my brain I get consumed 

I watched you change 

You took everything from me 

You took my childhood 

Where were the years where I could 

Be myself? 

- I 

 

"IFORGOTMYMEDS"

"My mind lost I think hours

Have passed but nothing transpired

I’m stuck in the same place

The cracks in my heart

Grow larger with time

I’m sure the damage done is enough

To keep everyone away from me

I’m lost on the train

The squeaks of the blue line tracks

Every day I hear the same things

Voices in the distance

I hear laughter from pedestrians

In my dreams your face appears

Sometimes it’s fine

Sometimes we’re swept away in the rain

Other times I sit in silence and imagine

Seeing the people I love

But nothing really works out the way

I want it to."

- I

"FASTCAR"

 

I wonder if you'll accept my scars

I imagine us driving in your fast car

 

We'll go 100 on a dark road

I'm not sure, twilight zone and smog

I want to escape to the woods

I'll live out there until I die

 

I'll let the vultures eat me alive

Sometimes I walk in circles until I get dizzy

I fall to the floor

Blood spills from my mouth

 

I think I took too much again.

 

- I